Funny Status Messages

   conducting a test of the emergency Facebook system. If this had been an actual emergency, then you need help because who looks at Facebook during an emergency?

   So my boss told me I was well rounded this morning... I didnt know whether to thank him.. or punch his lights out..

   going to retire from being a flasher.... but decided to stick it out one more year!

   it's really awkward when you invite your neighbors to your Shark Week party, and then you realize that your neighbors are tuna, and they probably don't observe Shark Week.

   No one wasted their superhero/villain potential quite like Zack Morris and his ability to Freeze Time.

   dear grades, get well soon...

   Scientists say we use only 10% of our brain. Imagine how much better the world would be if we started using the other 60%.

   Its hot as hades outside, some people call it hell, I call it hades..ummmmhhhhhh

   Tanning spray ? Reminds me of Snooki just in large size.

   Some idiot in a nightclub came up to me and said, "I get 20 times more girls than you do! Haha!!."I replied, "20 x 0 = 0!" That shut him up.

   This week the California gay marriage ban Proposition 8 was struck down the same day as the new 2011 IKEA catalog was unveiled. Coincidence?

   just recorded his own voice as a new ringtone for my phone: "You lost me again, you are an idiot" - this ringtone gets played everytime my office number calls my cell phone.

   If opportunity really wanted my attention, it would have rung the doorbell.

   REAL! Don't let facebook fool you... Just because you can't smell, taste, or grab him through your computer screen does not mean he doesn't exist. Have faith little one, and your devotion will be rewarded...

   Ladies if you want your man home more often in the next few months... Madden 11 is here... Oh and NFL SUNDAY TICKET ont be bad either!!!

   Umm whoever is thinking about me, could you please stop. I'm tired of running!

   Only one long utter but I love getting milked

   Will be getting Rosetta stone for the 2 voices in my head that don't speak English. Wonder if I can get a group discount??

   whats dumber than being married to your best friend for facebook purposes??????

   Making mirrors look good since 1992