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A Blonde caught a fish and when asked how big it was she said “3 ½ pounds.” Then when asked how long? She said “It took me about 20 min” 
the big bad wolf asks little red riding hood for a bj she replies "stick with the story your supposed to eat me." thats my kinda gal
A note of fact- Under Armor is an clothing designed with exercise in mind. It is not intended to be a girdle.
Smog from wildfires are creating health concerns for resedents in Moscow. More importantly, it's making it difficult for Sarah Palin to see it from her house.
Has a theory: If grocery stores just paint the cart returns with handicap blue and build it out of curbing. Then everyone would put their buggies there!
Guess what? I have flaws. What are they? Oh I donno, I sing in the shower? Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me-- no, don't sue me. That is opposite the point I'm trying to make
When someone is so sweet to you, don't expect that they will be like that all the time because even the damn sweetest chocolate expires to..
If you want a stable relationship.. get a damn horse
To bad you can't photoshop your UGLY personality...
Wonders: If an astronaut drives a Saturn and a pimp drives an Escort, does a proctologist drive a brown Probe?
Went for a mile run today. Stupid Ice Cream Man just kept driving even though I was waving my money in the air!
todays horoscope-Your belief that all of life's problems can be solved by a heart to heart talk and a good nights sleep will be tested when you are introduced to mathmatics.
In life we all have an unspeakable secret, an irreversible regret, an unreachable dream and a unforgettable love.
Do nudists refer to their genitals as "privates" or "publics"?
Thinks Spiders are incredible. Us humans think we are so smart...Lets try shooting silk outta our butts and see what we could make!
finding when it comes to chickens, talk is cheep
I always know what to say... It's the when and where to say it that I struggle with.
Plastic Surgery is Photoshop for people who go outside.
Just killed a spider for the first time without peeing myself. Thug life.
just realized that he wasnt really a big hit, he's just a typical sh*t in a prince charming outfit :)
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