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2 doctors are laying in bed after having sex.Guy says "You must be an gyno' because you can work that p*ssy." The woman says "You must be an anesthesiologist because I didn't feel a thing." 
a hazard to myself
hula hooping in wallmart...yeah I still got it
Him: "A wizard is never late, babe. Nor is he early. He arrives precisely when he means to." Her: "You're not fooling anyone, that was premature ejaculation and you know it."
If smoking is bad for you, how come it cures salmon?
Time is never wasted when your wasted all the time!!
DRINK TO FORGET BUT NEVER FORGET TO DRINK.
If flatulence is a normal part of pregancy, why did they toss me out of my wife's lamaze class after I farted?
...Kim Kardash begs fan NOT 2 get surgery 2 look like her. Kim's right. Someone in porn shoulda begged Heidi Montag not 2 look like one of THEM!
the life of the party, even if I dont attend
singing a duet with the fat lady singing "myspace"
may not make the history books, but she loves another with all her heart and soul, and that's all that really matters ♥
This just in, Paul the octopus is dead. Paul was "asked" if Farve was going to stay retired. Witnesses report that Paul changed color's rapidly, vibrated slightly and then exploded.
out clubbing this weekend. I'm going to beat my record of 12 baby seals.
I don't really like animals. When I watch Whale Wars I root for the Japanese.
love me or hate me either way your still.thinking about me
had to fill out a doctor paper once it said "sex M/F" I didnt know what M or F was so I put"no thanx"
It's not that I'm immature, it's just that you started it.
A lot of people seem to forget their other four fingers when waving to me.
I would like to give you a piece of my mind, but this is my last piece.
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