Funny Status Messages

   Its time for a "It was one of those kinda days at work today." beer.

   My dog can lick his own balls. Seriously, I don't care how many times he makes those puppy dog eyes at me.

   My seatbelt makes me feel so secure ... Like nothing can get me... I love how it protects me so..... ;)

   Save your breath. You'll need it to blow up your date.

   still amazed that the technologically challenged are drawn like moths to a flame towards the Self-Check out Lanes at every large Grocery.

   If you wouldn't wear your GF shirt that has rhinestones and glitter, why would it be ok to wear one that has some other guys name on it that reads Ed Hardy?

   I don't want buns of steel. I want buns of cinnamon.

   more nervous than a ceiling fan salesman with a toupe.

   Xerox and Wurlitzer will merge to market reproductive organs.

   30-year-mortgage, 5-year-car-financing, and lifetime gym membership, but women still say that men have problem with commitment.

   I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

   beer: the reason I get up every afternoon..

   Today is a whole new day to f*ck up!

   If Facebook was a job everybody would b rich

   about as nutty as a squirrel's turd

   If I had a nickel for every time I ignored your petville request, I could buy the L.A. Zoo..

   stopping by the Wachovia bank yesterday to exchange money. The teller asked me to fix all the bills to face the same way and straight 'em out while chit-chatted with her co-worker. WTF was her job description say?

   She looked as if she had been poured into her clothes and had forgotten to say "when."

   YES!!! I kenw it!!! The world will not end in 2012 - I just found a bottle of ketchup that expires in 2013...

   William Shatner (capt Kirk) will be staring in a new sitcom based on a twitter feed. This isn't the first show inspired by social networking. "Dateline Predator" was based on Myspace.