Funny Status Messages

   If I wanted a joke, I'd follow you into the john and watch you take a leak

   if the farmer is in the dell, who's tending the farm?

   If it's broken, fix it. If it's lost, find it. If it's loud turn it down. If it's hot, cool it off. If it burns when you pee, call all of your exes

   I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between ignorance and complete stupidity ... but then someone always comes along and clears it up for me. THANKS!!

   I think Girls are like drugs, they make you feel soo good, but then they end up hurting you and you still want more.

   currently watching a jailbait parade

   Rush Limbaugh is the new spokesman for preparation "H". There is no follow up needed.

   Mr, T is opening a vegetarian restaurant. It's called "I pity the tofu".

   Unwritten Rule of the Day: Don't make eye contact while eating a banana...

   In the past, people got fired putting that they hate their job on facebook. well I HATE MY JOB! I HATE MY JOB! --hope this works for me.

   needs to clean my house....is there an app for that?

   "Don't buy condoms at BP gas stations. They may burst and result in a leak..."

   while at a local Chinese restaurant I noticed a suggestion box and I wrote, "Free Tibet"

   thinks it's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.

   PMS + GPS = Crazy biotch that WILL find you.

   Dreams of moving to India or Pakistan.....and becoming a Taxi driver

   ending every sentence with "I'm Batman" instantly makes everything you say sound bad ass."

   sometimes I wish my clothes were suicidal so they would hang themselves.

   I wish my lawn was goth so it would cut itself.

   Falling in love is like getting drunk. you wake up with a horrible hangover, swearing that you'll never drink again ;-)*