Funny Status Messages

   Dude, if you really want Jessie's girl, find out her name.

   One hair on your head is not enough...but one hair in your food is too much.

   if you are reading this you love lesbians!

   Neighbors have a leash on their tree, but they let the dog run free. Poor tree

   You know what would make this Pina Colada better? Cancun.

   My neighbor just got one of those expensive new invisible fences. What a dumb@ss, I can still see him.

   I just googled cleveland & google said no matches found the city has disappeared

   so happy we finally landed on the moon!!

   super excited we got away from your parents this weekend...now if we could only lose your husband/wife....

   Llamas rule the world! And Petting Zoos!

   I'm disturbed by the Activia 14-day Challenge. Why do they want a video? Proof of the giant BM after eating copious amounts of fiber for 2 weeks?!

   enjoys when his girlfriend's bikini top accidentally comes off while frolicking in the ocean.

   it's happened: I have developed real emotions for my iPhone. Actually, it's no surprise, because I was raised by a TV and a microwave."

   I get really uncomfortable when people ask questions about sex. Like: "Is that it?"

   Every Morning I wake up and think, "Don't let it slip about Darth Vader being Luke's Dad." It's hard having a 5 year old who doesn't KNOW.

   So many input boxes. Ever go to search for a girl on facebook and set her name as your status instead? Me either."

   Trust me.. You DO NOT want to see how a Sausage Fest is Made!"

   after picking up and bringing home literally hundreds of women at bars over the years, I can tell you this: I'll never drive a cab again."

   Google and Me, it's like we finish eachother's sentences."

   Deja Vuvuzela - I think I've heard this buzz before....