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Have you ever rubbed your eyes so hard that you enter in, to some other dimension of swirls and patterns? 
Just checking, I heard a loud pop and thought you may have pulled your head out of your a$$.
There are only two genders, male and female. The rest are mental disorders.
Stock trading secret: Pick a stock that you know is going to go up and buy a lot of it. Then watch the price go up every day until it gets as high as it's going to get. Then sell it all before it goes back down.
With the shortage that's going on ..Are any of the pregnant men donating their breast milk? Or are they keeping it all for themselves,
Back in my day they would cut cocaine with baby formula. Nowadays they cut baby formula with cocaine
The closer the collapse of an empire, the crazier it’s laws.
Soon, the public will be unable to think or reason for themselves. They’ll only be able to parrot the information that was given to them on the previous night’s news.
Fact checkers: He didn’t say that, and if he did he didn’t mean it, and if he did you don’t understand it, and if you did it’s not a big deal, and if it is, it’s taken out of context, at least mean orange man gone.
Welcome to Oregon, tampons are in every boy’s bathrooms.
You get prosecuted for refusing to wear a mask on a plane, but they can intimidate supreme court justice’s families and will be celebrated. This is how you know we are living under a regime.
Pink Floyd warned us about the school system over 50 years ago, and everyone slept on it.
The only supply chain Biden won’t disrupt, the flow of drugs at our southern border.
Left the back door open at my friend's house and her roomba escaped. Hope he goes on an adventure and cleans the whole world
What with unwanted pregnancies, social diseases and failed relationships, the Love Boat reboot will be titled the "Tug" Boat.
I’m not here to fit into your world, I’m here to build my own world.
Old Turkish Proverb: “When a clown moves into a palace, he doesn’t become a king, the palace becomes a circus.”
Do you ever think for yourself? CNN viewer: “No, I have television for that.”
They’re sending another 40 billion in aid to eastern Europe while our babies starve. That ought to make you mad as hell.
Being yelled at by a self-checkout machine is so humiliating. Everyone can hear you getting lectured by a little robot. 