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Her: The fences need painting and the car needs washing. Him: Kids! Who wants to learn karate. 
Someone living in their grandmother’s basement used to be the butt of the joke. The rental market is so insane that now it’s like, dam, you’ve got a whole basement to yourself, that’s sexy.
If you wore a mask for two years, you can wear a condom for sex.
It’s impossible to plug in my genderless extension cord.
How can you stand for woman’s rights while allowing men to dominate woman’s sports?
My mortgage identifies as a student loan.
the FBI going to raid the house of the reporter who published the Alito opinion? Or is that just reserved for the reporters who got Ashley Biden’s diary.
Dear leftists, you just spent the last two years fighting against the concept of body autonomy, take it down a notch.
All of us: Ministry of “truth”, inflation, supreme court leak, border crisis, war. Mainstream Media: “Johnny Depp vs Amber Heard.”
Those who are capable of tyranny are capable of perjury to sustain it.
The War on Drugs only resulted in more drugs. The War on Terrorists only resulted in more terrorists. Maybe we should have a war on Baby Formula.
SELLING MY CAR FOR GAS MONEY .... INQUIRE WITHIN
I think I finally found a diet that's really working for me! That's called The Rsing Cost Of Food.
Hangry ~ A state of anger caused by lack of food.
Love ~ Giving someone the power to destroy you and trusting them not to.
LGBTQ: Liquor, Guns, Bacon, Tits and Quicksand.
Have you ever been so mad that you were calm?
The Poet: Why do you write? he asked. So, I can take my love for you and give it to the world, I reply. Because you won’t take it from me.
Reach ~ as high as you can, and then a little higher. There you will find magic and possibility… and maybe even cookies.
The same people who are candy to our eyes can be poison to our hearts. Study their ingredients before feeding them to your soul. 