Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
if roosters can start each day screaming, then damn it, so can I... 
I never realized that the toilet was a good way to get rid of the evidence.
I have pink eye. I got it from Floyd.
Harvesting paper clips from work!
I wish there was a vaccine that would make me immune from having to hear all the whining over the Covid vaccines.
Legend says that if you can't sleep it's because you are awake in somebody else's dream. So if you all could please stop dreaming about me I'd appreciate it.
I prefer Triamcinolone over Desitin for my abdominal fold rash.
Why did I hate the Superbowl Halftime Show? It's exactly what you are thinking.
I have a swimmer's body: A whale.
I came so hard last night even Alexa had a smoke
If I had to describe myself in one word
it would be “doesn’t know how to follow directions.”
My credit card company called.
They want me to leave home without it.
Who in their right mind would actually eat secret document paper? Has to be a fat person.
I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives....
There was another kidnapping at a local a school today, luckily the kid woke up!
Ever have Chef Boyardee Ravioli and a can of corn for dinner?
I need to find a hobby that does not include my debit card.
If they can get their student loans forgiven then I want my car loan forgiven. ALL LOANS MATTER!
My wife asked me if I knew what her favorite flower was. Apparently Gold Medal was the wrong answer.
I can't seem to find my "Gone in 60 Seconds" DVD. It was here a minute ago. 