Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
All of the mosquitos in my yard just received the Moderna vaccine. 
I’d rather see a woman who smoked a joint represent the USA in the Olympics than one who turns her back on the flag. I said what I said.
will never understand why soccer players celebrate a goal by running around more. you did good! take a lil’ break
41 shot in NYC this past weekend, 77 in Chicago, 24 in Atlanta. But it's ok... no need for the media to report it. There were no police officers involved.
The best part about being over 50 is discovering all the new regions of your body that can support hair life.
If other employees are taking four fifteen minutes smoke break a day, I should most certainly be allowed a one hour nap time.
About a year ago I told my friend there’s plenty of fish in the sea. He's been divorced 3 times... Last I heard he is still sitting there holding his rod.
That first kiss in the morning is so special, and the dog enjoys it too.
Life tip: if someone comes out of a bathroom sweating, do not go in that bathroom.
If it was the other way around, I doubt one cat would take in 24 old ladies.
The guy who named the "Chimichanga" should really be given more authority to name things
My husband waited until this morning to tell me our hotel room tonight is adjoining his parents. He knew all week. I can’t wait to see the look on their faces Sunday morning- cause I’m still gonna be loud.
I’ve heard you should do one thing that scares you each day so today I’m going to walk into my son’s room without holding my nose.
You know what 50 Cent did when he got hungry? 58. Please don't delete me.
Well it looks like Richard Branson is going to win the millionaire space race which is one small step for Richard one giant leap before Jeff Bezos.
Worshiping a piece of fabric is what life is all about.
Even though I'm feeling it, I don't believe in this extreme heat I'm feeling.
If you don't own a dog whistle then you can always use two teenage girls who haven't seen each other in a month.
I've made some terrible life choices over the years. Just kidding. I'm married and not allowed to make decisions.
The only thing that distinguishes us from dogs is their ability to learn from their mistakes 