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Don't forget to wave smile and wish your neighbors a Merry Christmas who are kind like Facebook friends you might not really know either, but live closer. 
Forget the past for you cannot change it. Forget the future for you cannot predict it. And while you're at it forget the present because I didn't get you one this year.
Just because you have a guitar, Christmas outfit and the Christmas tree doesn't necessarily mean you have the talent to sing on Facebook.
Can someone please go to MeWe and Parlor and wish them a Merry Christmas.
Outlook for the rest of winter ... Criss de colisse de tabarnak?!?
Some drink from fountain of knowledge others just gargle
I know some surfer chicks who started a prostitution ring. They call themselves the Wavy Lays.
Somewhere there is a Mom yelling “ I swear I’ll take all this crap back”
Elf on a Shelf? WTF? Back in my day, if a doll came to life, it murdered your whole family and everyone you loved. Kids are too coddled these days.
Before my surgery, the anesthesiologist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle. It was an ether/oar situation.
Look. Those Christmas Walmart roll back prices are only for believers in the baby Jesus!
B4 sliced Bread, what was the Greatest thing ?
2021 Reality Check: You're not actually expecting things to get any better at the stroke of midnight on New Year's Eve, are you?
You might hate the last couple of years but no one hates it more than people named Alexa
I’ve washed my hands three times and showered twice and I still have the smell on my fingers. Fresh rosemary is the herpes of herbs.
How come no one in the fast and furious movies ever need to get gas?
I just took the Christmas tree down. Gonna dye Easter eggs this afternoon.
Safe travels to all the parents heading out to buy the batteries they didn’t know they needed.
Here’s a little song about post-Christmas cleanup it’s called “Where the Hell Are We Going to Put All This Sh$t” and a one and a two
No one loses an argument when they’re carrying a chain saw. 