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n't Breaking Dawn already a movie starring Ron Jeremy? 
I wonder if my drug dealer is going to have any Black Friday deals.
I really don't want a birthday card. Just give me the $4 you would've spent on it. If it makes you feel better sign your name on each dollar.
A cool thing about being in a relationship is that when you make a mistake you get to hear about it 1,345,435 times.
B!tches or not, 99 problems is still a sh!tload of problems.
sticky cinnamon bun, great snack or awsome stripper name?
Why are these Occupy Wall Street hippies constantly interrupting perfectly peaceful gatherings of angry police officers?
I let my family know I'm going to Vegas soon, they reply "can we come" I say "do you bring a hooker to Disneyland?" then why would I bring family to Vegas..!
You may be pushing Christmas a little too much if you take your candle out of your Jack-O-Lantern and stick it in your Window!!...Just Sayin..
I dont know why these stupid employment agency websites keep suggesting that I link my job application profile to my Facebook page. If employers ever visit my Facebook page, I will never get a job in this lifetime.
NEW FACEBOOK GAME: Message me your bank account or credit card number & I will post which bill I paid with it, as my status.
A Game? I don't know. . . Skyrim sounds like something you pay a hooker extra for.
Hey, if y'all have any good vegan Thanksgiving recipes please rip them up and burn them cause that's freakin' gross.
Dress well and all doors will open for you. Wear Crocs and all the doors will close on you.
Ambulances are SUCH drama queens.
Real Playas put Mistletoe on their belt.
I wonder how popular the occupy Poland movement will get? #toosoon?
The wise make good use of prosperity. The stupid buy a $2,000 car and spend $5,000 on rims.
The Universe is now in harmony. Just saw a redhead drink a Ginger Ale.
In the immortal words of the great Philosopher, Method Man: "Cash rules everything around me, dolla dolla bill y'all." 