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I dont know who gets around more " The Duggars or Hermain Cain". 
if she let's you keep your weed in her bra... wife that b!tch
Be comfortable in your own skin, only serial killers are comfortable in other people's skin.
Never forget what someone says when they're angry. Apologies are given when people are sorry that others heard their unfiltered opinions.
In the timeless words of Devoe and his confidants Bell & Biv. Never trust a big butt and a smile, that girl is poison.
If you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. And if they refuse to be let go, get a restraining order.
Now Wit #MW3 bein released 2day.there will B an increase of snack n Drink consumption, Lack of Sleep n Angry Wives/GF's All Around The World
If you suddenly find yourself unable to access some parts of my Facebook page, don't panic, it just means I have quarantined and placed your stalkin' a$$ on the RESTRICTED list. Thanks Facebook for this great new tool.
Serendipity - When an empty glass and a bottle of booze cross paths.
Whatever you are, be a good at it. Even strippers have career goals.
if facebook was a school, I swear i'd have perfect attendance.
Every time I type "not" it auto-corrects to "Nottingham." I think I accidentally stole Robin Hood's iPad.
I fear that if the Mississippi "life begins at conception" bill passes, my army of tissue babies will rise up & take over the world.
You can take that tone of "here comes the shocking part" out of your voice. I've already guessed the ending.
Studies have shown a daily BJ makes relationships last much longer. It's true, I took a seat and volunteered for these studies.
bad sex is like bad pizza: you finish it anyways, but wish you would have went somewhere else...
What's a burnt pizza, frozen beer & a pregnant girl have in common? In each scenario there was a DUMBASS who didn't take it out in time.
It's funny how guys are always looking for a Barbie, when most of them aren't Kens themselves.
going to take a HOT shower.. it's like a normal shower..only with me in it.
eating a sexy ice cream cone.. it's like a normal ice cream cone.. only with me eating it. 