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If you're always honest you will never feel stupid. 
The truth hurts. So if it's hurtful it must have some element of truth to it.
Say no to commercialized enterprise Christianity.
Having to poop after a shower is basically your body's way of pranking you.
down in the dumps...no really, this trash is deep...
When someone you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure.
Its daylight saving time again people.. An you know what that means.. Playing another week of “Well it should really be this time instead of that time"We get it! Happens twice a year!
I think at some point a switch flicks in the heads of parents. From "study, study, study" they go "marry, marry, marry".
I donated my body to science....fiction.
I feel like I woke up an hour too early this morning
If you're woman put you in the doghouse for no particular reason then head to the cathouse for the same reason.
Some girls see the news reports of those ladies with 136 cats and think, "See, I'm not The Crazy Cat Lady." WRONG!! If you talk to your cats like they're your children, you ARE The Crazy Cat Lady!
The fun thing about Facebook is......none you know if I'm naked or not.
Seriously! How do they train the animals look so sad in those ASPCA commercials? They are convincing.
accidentally touched a woman's backside so she gave me a look and said "Prick", so I poked her!
Steelers menu tonight: 4 & 20 black (dirty) birds baked in a pie!
Experience is a good teacher, but it comes at a high price.
Sometimes it's more important to be human, than to have good taste.
Swallowing pride never choked anyone
Have you ever realized how many types of asses there are? SmartASS. DumbASS. CrazyASS. StupidASS. Who knew asses had personalities? 