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crazy? I was crazy once . . . my friends locked me in a padded room they said I was nuts . . . nuts? squirrels like nuts . . . squirrels are crazy! . . . crazy? I was crazy once . . . my friends locked me in a paddes room they said I was nuts . . . 
Whoever said "Mom knows best" has obviously never heard of Eve.
I'm sorry officer, I thought you wanted to race.
Last night I got so drunk that I took a bus home. That may not be a big deal to you.... but I've never driven a bus before.
Golden Rule: He who has the gold makes the rules.
Time travel ..0ne hr back in time tonight..i wonder how different every thing will be.
You deserve good things, and I want to be one of them.
you don't realize the importance of things until they are taken away from you
Justin Bieber denies the pregnancy rumours saying there is no way he could be pregnant because he has been on the pill for the past year.
The weekend crowd here is hard to please.
Me: If I had known you were a virgin, I would have taken more time. She: If I had known you had more time, I would have taken off my pantyhose.
i wake up, stare at the ceiling, I'm alive, what a beautiful feeling
currently in the planning stages for a hangover.
You are not a photographer…..You just have an overpriced camera.
Usually I am a loving person, but there are two things in this world I have failed to love, JUSTIN BIEBER AND TWILIGHT MOVIES.
There is always that one person whose friend request you regret ever accepting.
Andy Rooney vapor locked today at age 92. I don't want to say he was old, but I heard his Social Security number was "1".....RIP you miserable old fart!
I am tired of living in a world with adults that still believe in imaginary beings, I am even more tired of living by the decisions adults make based on their beliefs in imaginary beings.
'People were meant to be loved & things were meant to be used. The confusion in this world is that people are used and things are loved!'
If there was a hero that saved people from awkward conversations, he'd be more popular than Superman 