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What's this I hear about some 19 year old girl getting Justin Bieber pregnant? Is it possible that 2 women can pregnate a child? 
You have 500 friends? No you don't. Ask one of them to randomly drive you to the airport.
I'm proud to come from a family of work-a-holics.....Everytime someone mentions work, we all get drunk! ツ
I have restless leg syndrome and may not be able to stop myself from kicking your ass!
Boinga boinga boinga boinga (woman jogger) boinga boinga boinga.....
I hate when people ruin my status by commenting with their lack of humor.
Don't let loneliness drive you back into the arms of someone you know doesn't give a damn about you.
No one ever gets tired of loving. They just get tired of waiting, assuming, hearing lies, saying sorry & hurting.
Love starts with "You are different" & ends with "you are all the same"
I <3 it when I come home & my dog does the happy dance, looks more like the lambada but wutever....
If sex between 3 people is called 3some, between two people is called twosome. why is Handsome still a compliment?
i hear bieber is expecting a kid...i wonder when justin's due date is
Soooo.... Justin Beiber is pregnant. That's gotta be hard for a 13 year old to go through..
Nothing like a mug full of caffeine and self-hatred topped with an overwhelming amount of regret to start your day.
You know you love someone when you talk to them on the phone while you're on the toilet
why did the chicken cross the road? "to get to your house"..knock knock..who is there? "the chicken"
why did the chicken cross the road? To show POSSUM's that it can be done!!
The English language is the easiest to learn because even if you get it wrong, so do most of the natives
no, NO, you don't need to apply for a Target credit card in the 10 items or less lane.
Sometimes you sit in class and listen to the conversations around you and realize you are the smartest person in the room. 