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Geez!....Drop a couple "fun size" Absolute miniatures in a trick-or-treater's sack and suddenly it's a neighborhood "incident". 
only giving out chocolate covered caramel to trick or treaters cause that's how I "Rolo".
The Mystery Machine gang were the first Ghost Hunters to debunk ghosts..
I think I weigh, I don't know...74317.965555 pats of butter.
The power went out, so I'm taking my shower by LED flashlight, just like they did in the olden days.
it weird that one of my nuts is bigger than the other two?
ok but i'm out of cialis so you have to wear the boba fett mask
I feel like I should apologize to my shower drain.
Kim Kardashian requests her privacy during this time. Just her, an E! camera crew & 30 black dudes dragging their sacks across her face.
I don't know understand what the big deal is about those Halloween movies. A plot that centers around the actor that played Austin Powers , Shrek and Wayne Cambpell going around killing people doesn't sound scary to me.
If you want to visit a real graveyard this Halloween just log back onto MYSPACE.
Happy Halloween. You don't need a costume, your face is scary enough as is.
Best part of Halloween is the day after…clearance candy in the stores and drunken slutty pictures on Facebook.
so far I've handed out 23 caramel covered onions on a stick to trick or treaters... life is fun
I dressed up as MySpace for Halloween. Hey why is everyone ignoring me?
Here lies Eddie Drake, he stepped on the gas instead of the brake.
Melissa Etheridge is single, with four kids by two different chicks. Sounds like someone is ready for the NBA.
If couples who are in love are called "love birds", then couples who always argue should be called "angry birds"
90 percent of the pumpkins in America end up as Jack-o-Lantern's.
Nipples: Nature's thermometer. 