Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   They have the cause of the earthquake narrowed down to either Obama's approval rating hitting the floor or the cemetery just outside of Washington DC. (You know, the one our Founding Fathers are in. They think that they all turned over in their graves.

   everybody stop complaining, just imagine how many bars of soap were dropped in prisons all up the east coast

   Surprised someone hasn't capitalized on a workout video for these sign holders.

   Sow a thought, reap an act. Sow an act, reap a habit. Sow a habit, reap a character. Sow a character, reap a destiny!

   Ladies, don't go after ugly rich men. Make your own money so you can f*ck hot poor guys, like me

   My girlfriend asked me for another word for incorrect. Of course, my answer was wrong.

   I was going to buy Hannah Montana movie off Amazon com it said users who bought this also purchased hand lotion and tissues.

   I remember when I first met her, she was all quiet, shy, innocent and reserved. But now...lets just say, I created a monster.

   There is alot of good women out there, but there isn't enough good men to match their value.

   You know you've got a problem when every letter of the alphabet triggers a porn website in ur address bar smh

   any questions asked while I am counting out scoops of coffee will be answered with louder counting

   pandora just gave me a Hanson song and it wasn't even Mmmbop...Shamful!!!

   if ignorance is bliss then there are a sh#t load of people in paradise

   Help me out... I cant decide. Should I buy flowers or a sympathy card for the b*tches dying to be like me

   i would slap the pretty out of your face if you had any left

   Respect your parents. They pay for your internet

   A girl's moan is the sexiest sound, ever.

   Whoever coined the phrase "The Buck stops here" has obviously never ever carried my poor wallet!

   I felt sorry for a hypnotist I saw on TV last night... He hypnotized 7 guys, then he tripped over the microphone cord and yelled, "Screw This Microphone!".... What happened next will haunt me forever...

   While Prince may have found his mother demanding. Maybe she just didn't want to see him wear a frilly purple suit everyday