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A sign outside a brothel… “Married men are not allowed, we are here to serve the needy not the greedy.” 
▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ scratch and you can win free cats for life
DISCLAIMER: I am not responsible for things I may say or do in other people's dreams.
Sometimes, you simply need to walk away from people that weren't who you thought they were...or more importantly, who you wanted them to be.
just watching a W.W.E event with two chicks fighting... I think the proper name for that is W.T.F!!!?
Its Nelson Mandela day and his birthday today and people still wish him many many more years. For heavens sake the man is 93 years old.
Q: What should you do if you meet a nympho? A: Thank your lucky stars, and start believing in God.
I'm only 40,699,852 likes behind Rihanna
I don always use Internet Explorer, But When I do, Its Always to download another browser. !
I don't mean to brag but I'm pretty good at changing light bulbs.
A dentist married a manicurist, They fought tooth and nail.
If tomatoes are classed as a fruit, then doesnt that mean that ketchup is technically a smoothie?
Dear Facebook, I am not interested to see who has been viewing my profile but I would be very much interested if you can develop a "Punch people who tag me in photos I am not even featured without my permission" Application.
The surest sign that there is intelligent life somewhere in the Universe is that it hasn't tried to contact us.
I always respond by saying "wet" when people ask me how the water is.
my girlfriend said I could tie her up and do anything I wanted. So I tied her to the bed face down, and went fishing.
If a girl will go out in public with bed head, there's a lot of other stuff she will do. Marry her.
I went to a family style restaurant today and felt right at home. They yelled at me the entire time I was there.
...that uncomfortable moment after you call your girlfriend the wrong name.
my phone automatically wants to check me into every bar we pass? I guess this think really is a smartphone 