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Always believe a woman when she says, "You don't want to know." 
When people tell other couples that they aren't in love, makes me laugh. love is a word you define yourself, don't let a dictionary definition express the way you feel - Brandon Markovich
it is so hot I saw a bird use potholders to remove a worm from the ground
I wonder if Facebook farmers have sex with their Farmville sheep, and 'like' it.
■Being popular on Facebook is like sitting at the cool table in the cafeteria at a mental hospital.
"Why fit in when you were born to stand out?" - Dr. Seuss
when I die.... my older posts will keep you entertained forever.
Best Catch At The Home Run Derby Of All Time! Dude jumps from a ledge that's a few feet above a pool that's in right field, catches the ball, and lands in the pool! WINNING!
I am enjoying a threesome - Me, My Couch & My TV
1 MLB Baseball bat = $175.00, 52 HR Balls = $885.30, Winning the MLB HR Derby with your dad pitching = PRICELESS!
if someone threw a rock and knocked me off my donkey, would I be stoned off my ass?
As a guy I think you can learn so much by listening to two women talk to each other..Unless they are talking about periods then you just need to excuse yourself...Cuz some mysteries should remain unsolved...
Broccoli: “I look like a tree.” Walnut: “I look like a brain.” Mushroom: “I look like an umbrella.” Banana: “Dude?! Change the topic!”
Remember when using “protection” meant wearing your helmet?
Solution to world hunger: food. Boom, done, next problem.
Just because you have one doesn't mean you have to act like one
Face down, ass up, that's the way babies often sleep. Adorable!
They say Hard times don't last forever...So someone might wanna tell Hard times that :/
That automatic "via" message changed this week..... Just my way of quietly telling Apple to f*ck off!
God knows we aren't strong all the time. That's when he wants us to have faith & take his hand as he leads us out of the dark....-Amen! 