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A real friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, and accepts you just the way you are. All the others are just acquaintances. 
The two words that get me in the most trouble are "Why Not?"
if god invented somethign better than kfc and coffee, he must of kept it to himself.
no, I don't think I can help you with that. I have to go walk my dog. and I can only deal with one b!tch at a time
I believe in the sun even when it's night time, I believe in love even when I am yet to find it, I believe in God even when he is yet to answer my prayers, I believe in heaven even when I have been to hell and back.
I'm fed up with politics. I'm gonna start the Long Island Iced Tea Party movement for those of us who know that both sides sell us the same s**t in a different package.
A French kiss should not last long,Remember even the French Surrendered.
WARNING:I can change from sweet and innocent to B***H in 3,2 seconds...
dont be mean to haters. their just doing there job..
Congratulations!! You are the 100th person to view my status. To see your prize please click Control + W.
I see they now have wedding dresses made completely out of toilet paper. Well, at least you'll be prepared when your marriage turns to $**t.
When are they going to do a myth busters episode on God?
You guys mind if I get this out of the way a little early? Thanks. Dear Monday, I hate you.
Chess Master Plots Brilliant Attack On Wife!
Facts are busily being ground into meat.
Yesterday I had a religious experience: I was repressed and beaten by a man in a black robe.
Tattoos: Nothing like a permanent disfigurement to satisfy the whims of fashion.
A good rule for facebook: Friends don't let friends friend non friends.
here's to you nipples, without you boobies would be pointless
I'm unavailable to answer my phone at the moment, so please leave a message and the News of the World will get back to you. 