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Boob is the perfect word cux it shows you what it means. Top view -> B ... Front view -> oo ... Side view -> b. 
If I ran NASA, it would be mandatory for the ground crew at Edwards Air Force Base to be dressed as apes when the space shuttle Atlantis lands
I hate the feel of wrinkly hands in the bath. Grandad's pretty persistent though.
Going to drink straight from the carton because I'm a badass!
Coffee and cigarettes, best thing in the world.
Somebody needs to teach opportunity how to use a doorbell.
My watch died at 11:30pm last night... It was the most incredible night of my life. At 3:00am I was still thinking it was 11:30. I was like "OMG the night still so young!!!!!" And kept on drinking... Yeah, I got home at 11:30pm, good girl!
I suck at making bucket lists. Mine just says "Dog milk".
Should I be more grossed out that I found my friends vibrator in her kitchen or by the amount of cat hair that was on it?
In real life, I never know when danger is coming because the music doesn't change.
I'd like to drink less alcohol but I don't want to murder my family with a hammer.
If people winked and "laughed out loud" in real life half as much as they did when they were texting the world would be a very creepy place ;) lol
Why hasn't the NAACP changed it's name to NAAAA?
I was thinking about stripping.. but in my condition..I dont think any club have a ramp to get my a$$ up on stage and reinforced titanium poles
I hate when cashiers ask you if that's everything. Oh no, I'd also like a hand job
BREAKING: Florida Highway Patrol is reporting a mass exodus of toddlers hitchhiking to get the hell out of Florida.
When you believe in success, you've already succeeded...
If women ruled the world there would be no wars.Just a bunch of angry countries not talking to each other.
if I ever see an amputee getting hanged, I will just start calling out letters
Every time I drink a beer It makes your lazy eye disappear Every time I do a shot I think you're hot, but I know you're not, i'm just trying to drink you pretty! 