Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
80% of people have a brain, the other 20% are in my friend list clicking on spam as we speak 
Why can't braille just be in the shape of the letters?
Walmart, because going to Target requires a shower
A homeless guy just asked me for money, and I almost gave it to him, but then I thought... he's just going to use it for drugs and alcohol, and then I thought... That's what I'm going to use it for
girls should come with a carfax
in a recent poll asking if illegal immigration is a problem...A: yes 20%, B: no 10%, C: no comprende 70%
this status update is dedicated to all the status-less people out there, stay strong
USED CAR FOR SALE CHEAP !!! Drives great, Low Mileage, Car trunk smells like chloroform and dead animals. Contact: Casey Marie Anthony, Inmate #08049710, at Orange County Jail, P.O. Box 4970, Orlando, FL 32802-4970, or call (407) 836-3400
Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP .
If you repeat a lie often enough, it becomes the truth.
Scrolling down your Facebook News Feed can sometimes be just like scrolling down the spam folder in your yahoo mail.
I wish the world were a fly and I was a giant rolled up newspaper.
went to a movie tonight with 18 blonds!!! they said because 18 and under was not allowed
How do you stop a man breaking in your house?? Replace the locks with bra fasteners.
It didn't look that hot from inside, but as soon as I stepped outside, it was like Satan farted in my face...
When David Beckham scored, I'd drink BECKS, when Paul Scholes scored, I'd drink SKOL, when Kenny Miller scored, I'd drink MILLER. Thank God David Seaman played as a goalkeeper!
Men: 99% of the women you will meet take antidepressants. Just accept the fact.
If you don't like Mexican immigrants, then you go pick oranges for $5 a day.
Sometimes I watch sports holding an xbox controller just to screw with my girlfriend's head...
Am I the only one who saves all the marshmellows in my bowl of Lucky Charms for last? 