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Todays Experience : Apologizing to someone whether its our mistake or not is a matter of our dignity and self respect..We feel a lot better when a misunderstanding is cleared .. 
My auto-reply to all fake event invitations is - "Has invited you to the event: Getting Unfriended."
Eventually you'll be separated from everyone you love by distance, argument, divorce or death. Make sure you know how to stand on your own.
A silly woman will look at what a man drives. A wise woman will look at what drives the Man.
I bet Inspector Gagdet really knew how to please a woman with all those extendable body parts.
A girl on Facebook posted about how she sprained her toe, and I didn't comment on how I hope it wasn't her camel toe, because I'm an adult.
My wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst... so I have been to the thrift shop to get all her clothes back.
Today is Independence Day. The day when Americans show their deepest gratitude to Will Smith and remember all the men, woman and children killed in that horrific alien invasion.
I hate to go out drinking with unicorns, they use the old "no pockets" excuse to stick me with the bill.
Happy "Let's watch a bunch of idiots eat an ass-load of hot dogs on ESPN" day!!
Dry Clean Only = Dirty Shirt
The Internet? Is that thing still around? - Homer Simpson
Napsterbation. Combining two of my favorite activities..
celebrating the 4th by putting pop-rocks in the vaseline!!
Today is Independence Day. The day when Americans show their deepest gratitude to Will Smith and thank him for saving us from the Alien Invasion!
7,000 people were treated in emergency rooms for injuries sustained from fireworks. Don't be a statistic, let your friend light the fuse ;) Happy 4th of July!!
Shirt wet, face sweaty, heavy breathing......no, you pervs.....I just mowed the front yard.......
You all drink too much, you cuss too much, and you all have very questionable morals... Everything I ever wanted in a friend!
Driving cars is like having sex, all guys think they're good at it
The Census Bureau admits to undercounting over a million residents in California.....Congrats to Schwarzenegger for managing to cover up all those illegitimate kids! 