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"Delete or block some friends!" The new way to "Quit Facebook Addiction". Ridiculous! 
Hey elderly people, nobody takes you seriously until you've put tennis balls on your walker.
If you're moody most of the time on Facebook, I assume you're run out of Marijuana.
My kitchen smells like Ke$ha. (Tequila, lime and fish.)
dating a rich guy can make you an INTELLIGENT BUSINESS WOMAN... and dating a poor guy makes you a HARD WORKER
Remember ladies, your body is a temple, not a theme park
You know what they say "Home is where you hang your enemies head."
i once solved a rubiks cube by not buying it
what happens in vegas never happens to me
Dear girls, If a boy sends you a friend request, that means he wants to be your friend not your husband. That's why it says a friend request...
So many cool gadgets around. The iPad, iPhone, iPod, etc. It's strange though, none of the electronics stores seem to have this iCarly thing that the kids are all talking about.
I plan on rivaling the military with my own explosive version of "shock and awe" this evening!
Women beg for love wit sex and guys beg for sex wit love.
Happy 4th of July!!! Enjoy: BBQing, setting off fireworks, and if you live in the country, shooting at random sh!t.
If you have never shot bottle rockets from a beer bottle at your drunk friends on the 4th of July then you are not enjoying your freedom to the fullest.
This SunnyD tastes like I can't afford orange juice.
Picnics are dumb because five minutes after you eat your sandwich you're just a jackass in the park sitting on a blanket.
It's pretty cowardly to put a ding in someone's car door without at least leaving a note scratched into the paint, such as, "LOL! --->"
What I told her is "I'm not your type." What I meant is "I'm outta your league."
I'm wondering how many calories my dog burns carrying each mouthful of her dog food all the way from the kitchen into the living room to eat it, then going back to the kitchen to get more. Maybe I should do that. 