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explains Impotence: Its nature's way of saying "No hard feelings". 
Thinks some peoples relationship status should be "In a relationship with ___ while cheating with ___ and at the same time talking to ___"
Does any one have the answer to this::::: If Cinderella's Shoe Fits perfectly, then why did it fall off....??
38sec -The male minute-
Just saw the tums commercial with the corn dog smacking the guy in the face. It would be much better if it was the girl getting smacked with the corn dog.
Getting pretty stoked for all the Facebook albums of sh!tty firework pictures I'm gonna see next week!
When Life rains on your parade, get out the Slip-n-Slide
Alcohol may be my worst enemy, but the bible says to love your enemy....
All dogs go to heaven. All cats go to purr-gatory.
I wish I could talk like fez from the 70 show. "good day, I said good day
Facebook is worth $100 billion. That's just in lost productivity.
there a mouse that doesn't make a clicking noise as I'm trying to close 10 windows when my boss walks into my office?
College was the most expensive nap I ever took.
Money can't buy you happiness. But I'd rather be unhappy in a Bentley.
MySpace and Facebook got a divorce... Looks like Facebook got custody of all the kids.
The Weird moment when somebody is cross-eyed and you dont know which eye to look at.
If girls could read my mind, I'd would get punched in the face a lot.
Just found out "suns" upside down is still "suns"
Ale-Ale-Andro, Judas, Juda-ah-ah, Pa-Pa-Pa-Pokerface, Te-Te-Te-Telephone... I think lady gaga has a studdering problem.
Plan A doesn't work in your love life, the alphabet has 25 more letters. Keep calm. 