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What do you call a group of chickens? A bucket 
what do you call a Chinese man with a camera?....... Phil Ming
A beer lover is born with a beer compass within. He always knows where to find it!
If you have something to say raise your hand, and put it over your mouth.
All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening
When someone tells me smoking is harmful, I throw my cigarette down and say "Serious? There, I've just quit! Quick let's go warn the others!
I've never seen Scarface, but I have quoted the "little friend" line at some really inappropriate times.
Pshhhh I did not fall… The floor looked at me funny so I used my mad ninja skills to attack
I bet the origin to the phrase, "When the sh!t hits the fan," is one heck of a story.
Mexico beat us in soccer. That is bs! The government should start mass deportations asap.
Eventhough Mexico won, they still lost. Cause they have to go back to Mexico!
Having slanted eyes suck! Cant see sh!t when I smile!
My million dollar idea: "Homework-flavored" dog food.
When two confused strangers come together they call it love, and when they fully know and understand each other, they call it breakup.
I took the pledge and will not text while I am driving because it is dangerous! I may check my email, update my Facebook status, make calls, and add appointments to my calendar, but I will NEVER text while I drive. ;)
trying to figure out how many Sham-Wows I'm gonna need to soak up all the water in my truck after leaving the window down for 2 days...
Mission impossible: Living the champagne lifestyle on beer budget.
do me a favor if someone tells you they don't like me , tell them I don't like them either.
If you're not ready to die for it, take the word 'freedom' out of your vocabulary. – Malcom X
Ladies, it's not that there are no good men out there. It's just that you turned down 6 of em that wanted a chance to treat you right and chose the a$$hole. 