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@Guys - If we just met you and we're making out on the dance floor, chances are it wasn't your dance moves that got you this lucky. 
@Guys - your nipples make no sense to us.
Let's not forget a Happy Father's day to all the Sugar Daddies out there.
• When dealing with women, puppy eyes will get you just about everything. Actual puppies will get you even more.
Got a flannel shirt for the 9th Fathers Day in a row... Thanks honey, cant wait to see what you get me next year!
Happy Father's Day, all! Be nice to your dad today. Remember it's because of him not pulling out in time that you're alive today!
I opened our windows to get some fresh air in the house and now the neighbors are wondering why the whole block stinks
Don't forget to thank the Moms too for putting up with the Fathers all along, cause without them their wouldn't be any Dads!!
Some smartphones are actually smarter than their owners.
No matter what you can do, no matter how talented you are, no matter how amazing and unique that talent may be, somewhere in the world an Asian kid can do it better.
Happy Fathers Day, mom!!! :D
My house phone is only good for calling my cellphone when I lose it.
Every time I eat Chinese food I wear something nice, just in case I die in the same position as Elvis.
How come the week always lasts longer than the money you have?
I'll never forget from my EX last words: "Are you sure I don't need a parachute?"
Al Qaeda has a new leader, may a new round of hide and seek begin
Teenagers are the most misunderstood people on the planet. They're treated like children, and expected to act like adults.
A man's life is spent between episodes of women being mad at him.
I'm pretty sure my Internet Explorer “error reports” end up the same place my letters to Santa do.
Why is a newspaper ten times more interesting when the person across the aisle is reading it? 