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wonders.. Why do we say "heads up" when we actually mean duck? 
Pulling your phone out in front of your friends has the same effect as yawning.
Dear women::: Would it kill you to have a beer and watch the game instead of nagging..!!!!!
If you've never played Tetris, you're probably useless at loading a dishwasher.
Kim Kardasian is marrying a player on the New Jersey Nets. At least someone on that team is scoring!
Facebook .... the online version of "Jerry Springer" .... but more entertaining.....
Mom trying to play Call of Duty, and she thinks the Kill Cam is her killing someone. Getting tired of hearing "I GOT ONE!".....every 5 seconds...
Hooters girls may be hot, but subway girls are wife material. They stand behind the counter, put whatever you want on your sandwich, and then clean up the kitchen
feels like this thing has turned into an FML website... but they arent even funny now
If I ever get married again, the woman I marry must have worked at Subway at some point in their life. I need to know they have experience making me sammiches. :-)
If you need help in a hurry at Best Buy... just begin shoving a CD in your pants.
That awkward moment when you've been drinking, waiting for your girl come over and she calls to say she being arrested and needs you to come get her car from the cops before it gets impounded.
I hate it when you are driving on the freeway and someone cuts in front of you so you flip them off, only to have them put their hand up in a gesture of "thanks".
asks...the difference between my boss and the pope? The pope only expects me to kiss his ring
Breaking news: Lebron James is taking his talents to Vancouver. Found out they only have to play 3 periods in the NHL, not 4.
For Sale: New Nunchucks. Will consider trading for a bag of ice and a new set of marbles.
always reads the Terms of Service before clicking install just like everyone else... right?
The News Feed sure does have a lot of sales on Spam Jordans and Nike shoes.
Leonard B. Stern inventor of Mad Libs died yesterday of EXPLOSIVE DIARRHEA. He is survived by his lovely PLATYPUS, CLARABELLE and his 99 LAWN DARTS. He will truly be A DINOSAUR
If you don't have an iphone, well, you don't have an iphone! Oh yeah? And if you don't have a Droid X, well, you don't have flash player and adobe! Now, How do you like them apples?!?! 