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Wearing your Oakleys backwards is a stylish way to let people know you're amped about giving them HPV. 
I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.
Whether they find a life there or not, I think Jupiter should be called an enemy planet.
If people winked in real life as much as they wink in texts, the world would be an extremely creepy place.
No sport in this lifetime has ever brought the world together as football... You know, the real kind, not the overcommercialized self nominated world championship superbowl.... FUTBOL!!
BoyfriEND, girlfriEND, friEND. Everything has an END, except family.
The difference between Obama and Osama is BS.
Dear Google, They are only using you to get to me! Sincerely, Wikipedia.
next time I see a place that says no shirt no shoes no service I'm gunna walk in without pants
I like that you like my status. Facebook needs a button for that.
Ignorance is bliss, would explain why I'm so miserable.
November 8th 2011: Call of Duty: MW3 + Alcohol + Women = A Night to Remember
Chickens: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.
I wish they made Off Clip On Repellent for creepy people at WalMart
i think I need glasses....everywhere I look people have two faces
I say "DUDE" right before I say something moderately important.
I don't confront people. I was raised right. I talk stuff behind their backs. It's called manners.
Have you ever noticed that the only people who wear jogging suits are well over 200 pounds and obviously never jog — unless a buffet is in sight?
You ever hear or see a friend do something and think "Oh yeah, that's a Facebook status." Yeah, me too.
There should be an eject button in cars for people who touch your perfectly-positioned vents. 