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My dog can't seem to walk straight when we are out. He is gonna make look bad when I'm under the influence. 
I take context out of things.
Chemically speaking... alcohol is a solution.
Look... if you have both toilet paper and bath towels in your bathroom... I am going to assume you are giving me a choice.
kill illuminati. they want my soul, my mind, and my body.
The awkard moment where you say, "it's not me, it's you"....via text
Thanksgiving is a day when we pause to give thanks for the things we have.....MEMORIAL DAY is a day when we pause to give thanks to the people who fought for the things we have.
A Hickey from Kenicki is like a hallmark card...when you care enough to send the very best!! RIP JEFF CONWAY!!!
There █████ █ ████ is ███ █ no █████ █ ████ problem █ ████ █████ █ ████ everything ███ █████ is█████ ████ ████ fine ████ ██
Ever see someone in a hurry and they do that last little mad dash to their final destination? How much time does that save.....2.3 seconds?
What do you call a vegetarian lesbian? A woman who REALLY hates meat!
One skin,Two skin,Three skin,Fore skin.....wait a minute...........
I wish some people could just look at there own true colors of there character and see what an ugly picture they are painting with it.
I only date Calendars.
"God has a sense of humor. Don't believe me?... go to Walmart and just look at people."
Snookie is so small and orange she works part time as a highway traffic cone!
When girls or any women ask you "What?" In reply, it isnt cause they didnt hear you. Its because they giving you a CHANCE to CHANGE what you just said.
If you are talking behind my back you are in a great position to kiss my a@s
Can you imagine how fast those clowns who make balloon animals can roll a joint.
Loving my new underwear...at least somethings gripping my ass 