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That fire we once had is now embers 
I always have this feeling that the SWAT team is waiting to bust through my door
im not rich so I'll put a midget in my back pocket so my wallet looks bigger
Nice BBQ. The bulls got cooked by extreme heat. Anyone want steak?
Get your tongue out of my mouth !...I'm trying to kiss you good-bye !
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
been so busy lately that even Facebook feels neglected
digesting the fact you've moved onto better things.. LOL JKS you're new boyfriend looks like a retard.
Forget about differences, let's talk about our similaritites. You ever wake up in the middle of the night, and you don't know what freakin' day it is?
If at first you try and don't succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie!
gonna make a FB account with the name "benefits".That way when a few ppl add me, it'll say: you and 5 other ppl r now friends with benefit
The way to a girls heart, is through your wallet.
never get into a fist fight with an ugly person, they have nothing to lose
Sometime I look at people and think, "I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and sh!t a better argument than that"
86. Sometimes I like to order pizza from Domino's and when the delivery boy rings the bell I open the door in a Pizza Hut outfit.
Been a week since I broke up with my girlfriend.. I need a new sandwich maker already or I'm going to starve to death.
Your first mistake was leaving me. Your second mistake was thinking I would die without you.
Does anybody have a good recipe for homemade gasoline?
earth is full, go home.
This just in, all the kids in Kindergarten Cop are Arnold's 