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TThere is a difference between being "passionate" about your religious and political beliefs and being down-right "hateful." The former acquires respect. (...the latter gets unfriended.) 
I'm looking for a 4 letter word that ends with "unt".......... ........ ........ don't be so crude, I was looking for "Aunt."
If you're not using your grownup powers to occasionally do something your child-self would have found awesome, then what's the point?
Wife is out of town until tomorrow night. Anyone wanna come sit on the other end of the sofa and ignore me?
The 3 C's of life; Choice, Chance, Change. You must make the Choice to take the Chance if you want anything to Change.
When you say your life is a joke I really feel sorry for you because it's not even a funny one.
Life isn't about getting nude... Its about being nude.... Bring on National Nude Day
The older I get, the more I enjoy being bored.
had a DNA paternity test done on my dogs new puppies....Turns out they all belong to Arnold Schwarzenegger. ツ
A new drug has been developed for lesbians with depression. Its called trycoxagain
Wherever I have a problem, I sing. And when I realize that my voice is worse than my problem, I smile. (:
"HEY LAAAADIIIIEEEESSS!" - guy who gets no ladies.
If all the world's a stage, then where's the hook to yank off the idiots?
If you were any smarter I could teach you to fetch.
The easiest way to not be offended by a joke, is to stop being a cu^t.
Someday, someone will walk into your life and make you realise why it never worked out with anyone else.
A Man who treats his lady like a Princess was surely brought up in teh hands of a QUEEN!
Cinnabun- $1...cup of mocha coffee- $.50... tripping over the rug, dropping the Cinna bun, spilling the hot coffee on my shoes and yelling "$h!t" out loud in front of 3 customers......priceless
What a great world it would be, if the only complaint was bugs on the windshield.
I would punch you straight in the face but my hand would get covered in the $hit you talk. 