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Does this status update make me look fat? 
I'm really going to crap my pants today if there is an apocalypse. Of course, I might just crap them anyhow, regardless what happens.
HOW TO CONTROL PEOPLE: Repeatedly lie to people about a "life-ending event" in the basis of religion enough times to where they slighty believe you and have them talk about it all over the world.
What if the end of the world just means the end of Facebook. It's the world to so many people...
Apparently this end of the world rapture thing is today, unfortunately I regret to inform you the 1124 fast track train to 'HELL' is delayed due to an earlier signal fault and over running engineering works, Oh well
BBC News: "Britons are the worst binge drinkers in Europe." - I'm sorry but I think you'll find we're actually the best.
Funny that when you hear a man's name, you can instantly work out his nationality: Paolo - Italian Pierre - French Diego - Argentinian Sven - Swedish Klaus - German. Mohammed - British
What's that white stuff Black babies rely on to live? - Taxpayers.
Horse walks into a pub: Bartender: "Why the long face?" Horse: "They wouldn't let me on the f-kin train."
and with the first pick of the 2011 Rapture Draft... God selects Randy "Macho Man" Savage
feel kinda funny. whats that bright light? Oh Wait, I'm being Raptured! Sweet! Good Buy Everyone!!!!! I'll tell Elvis Hi For You.
I prepared my self for this rapture by playing zombies on black ops and my wife said it was a waste of time I guess the jokes on her !
" I love you" should never be used in the form of a question.
Just got a free bowl of soup with this awesome hat I just bought!
stocking up on Twinkies and shotgun shells.
what happens if ur peeing when the world ends???....
You know gas is expensive when you need the reflexes of a Ninja to get the pump to stop on a even dolar amount.
Ok , rapture already! Take me an leave Beiber, or vice versa, whatever !
You've been H.A.D ... HAPPY APOCALYPSE DAY .
May 21, 2011 - The "A-crap-alypse". 