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Dear Gain, You need to come up with a laundry soap that will wash the disappointment out of my sheets after a regretful one night stand.. Work on that. Sincerly, Every Guy in America 
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention posted a blog on their website on May 16 , 2011; concerning Zombie Apocalypse preparedness.... ummmmm is there something the Government not telling us ???
Staring longingly at the door works for my dog, but I tried it at work and no one let me out. :(
Arnold Schwarzenegger fathered a child. I saw that movie.
I just watched an erectile dysfunction commercial for ten minutes before I realized it was Entourage.
ya "playa" skillz is broke, just like ya wallet!!
that awkward moment when she catches you trying to take a pic of her, and you have to pretend to be texting someone...
payin for those jalapenos! My ass is on fire!!
Women can be funny sometimes... like when they say stuff like "Let's just be friends" or "Let me go and I won't tell the cops"
My girlfriend says I talk while I sleep... but I'm skeptical. Nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
I'll never forget the first time we met. Although, I will keep trying. :)
I like birthdays, but I think too many can kill you.
The reason men lie is because women ask so many questions.
in case the WORLD ENDING doesnt happen on Saturday, Fox News had a report that we maybe over run by Zombies, but they did give a 'guide' as to what to do. Thanks Fox News....now I know what to do when the undead attempt to eat my brain.....
doesn't wish anyone harm but wouldn't be upset if Justin Bieber was kicked in the head by a donkey.
The Skort: skirt in the front, shorts in the back; it's like a mullet for your butt!!
Diet tip: If you fatten up everyone around you, you will look thinner.
I've been invited to a Post-Rapture looting event but I replied "Maybe attending" because I've also been invited to a Judgement Day event and I need to see how that goes before I decide for sure....
So, the woman who injected her 8 year-old daughter with Botox for beauty pageants, lost custody. Sources close to the little girl say she wasn't surprised by the news. Or maybe she was. It's hard to tell.
Want's to hijack Family Radio and play 48 hours of ACDC for your listening pleasures. 