Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I shall be the first person ever to step foot on the sun. Now, I know exactly what's going through your mind, but I got it all figured out - I'm going at night

   Alcohol kills slowly...So what? Who's in a hurry?

   I told her beauty is why God invented eyeballs, and her booty is why God invented my balls.

   Whatever you do...don't eat the cheesy fish tacos.

   I always had a peculiar sense of direction ,I just never knew where it would take me.

   My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in.

   I don't want a broken heart because I'll lose the pieces.

   I'd like to see Chaz Bono go to DC teach a few Democrats how to be a man.

   I 'm trapped in a maze, therefore I am a-maze-ing.

   You can't find me cause I'm lost in the music.

   stop analyzing, criticizing, you should realize what I am & start epitomizing.

   ever have the feeling someone is watching you? I guess it doesn't help that I'm looking into this mirror.

   Ok Ladies here are your choices , we leave the seat up , or we leave the seat down and let you clean up the piss , it can't be all about you

   You never realize how much you enjoy sleep until you wake up early.

   The wife and I just got divorced. We split the house. I got the outside.

   I feel lSH*T ...you know the way those people felt when The Dave Matthews band emptied their RV's septic tank

   always seems to have the urge to use the bathroom when asked to do something that involves effort

   Sanity is a luxury not meant for everyone

   I hate when people take my glasses, put them on, and say, "Oh. You really can't see, huh?" NO s**t sherlock. You don't see other people taking other people's wheel chairs saying, "Oh. You really can't walk, huh?"

   Women have mysterious ability of communication..........They listen half.Understand quarter & can tell DOUBLE.