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Dont say good morning to me plz. I prefer a Hello!! so I can think its the late day, nite or something besides morning! 
Good men of this country fought and died to defend my right not to care about British royalty
Am I sexually active? YES! I get screwed at the gas station once a WEEK!
Women and tax forms have a lot in common…Men love to cheat on them.
Fact: If you sneak away to fart loudly in private and get caught by some innocent person walking by, you have to now hate that person.
Guys posting about the royal wedding should have their MAN CARDS revoked!!!
You know you need to go grocery shopping when your grapes start tasting like wine
Why is the Queen dressed like the guy who owned Curious George?
This morning William said "Good morning, Mrs. Duchess," Kate said "Good morning, Mr. Duke," and then a sparrow threw up.
Never trust a man that comes out of a bathroom with dry hands...
I had no idea Elton John married Matt Lauer?!
He's really got his father's scalp.
So they don't have Rogaine in England, huh?
Did anyone else see Gary Busey get married this morning?
damn I hope Prince William is Secretly gay. That will split that snooty ass family apart..
I didn't watch the royal wedding but I had a disturbing dream that Queen Elizabeth and Queen Latifah did a "chest bump" during the nuptuals! :/
it just me or do women's sunglasses get bigger and bigger and bigger?!? Relax with those things, eventually we have to see your face with your colored contacts and fake eye lashes.
noticed that while someone is speaking to him, 80% of his inner dialouge is wondering if his face looks interested
just ate a Kit Kat and a multivitamin, like a F'n American!
ate broccoli twice yesterday and now his car smells like a mobile crematorium that only cooks buttholes. 