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It never dawned on me about how fascinating I truly am until I perused through my Google search history. 
You should not be angry if all she wants is your money because all you want is her body.
Local cemetery raises cost of burials, blames "cost of living".
Tell a girl a million times shes not fat... She'll never believe you... Call her fat once she'll never forget it.
Men Give Give Give Forgive........ Women Get Get Get Forget........
If my number of Facebook friends drops, I just assume someone died.
I can't stand it if I'm excluded from an activity even if I have no intention of going and don't like those who are.
Who invented the brush they put next to the toilet? That thing hurts! :(
Hey, this Facebook thingy is WAY more fun than talking to each other!
If State Farm were such a good neighbor they'd come over and pick up all the dog crap in my yard.
I missed a payment on my cable bill....purposely, so I don't have to watch that royal wedding crap!
Troubles keep me interested in my life :)
I must say you really have a open mind... and a mouth to match.
Problem: Always get stuck next to obnoxious drunk guy on plane. Solution: Be obnoxious drunk guy on plane.
Now we finally know what Obama was hiding on his birth certificate. Under favorite band, it says: "Nickleback."
I'm not sure which I find more nauseating, every detail of the Royal Wedding being broadcast, The View, or that they're advertsing the The View's live Royal Wedding coverage.
Note to self: Do NOT draft Peyton Hillis this year.
Safe sex is great sex, better wear a latex 'cause you don't want that late text "I think I'm late" text
Toward no crimes have men shown themselves so cold- bloodedly cruel as in punishing differences of belief.
Skinny thugs dress like they're fat. Fat hipsters dress like they're skinny. Guys in drag dress like girls. Am I still considered normal anymore by wearing what I'm supposed to? 