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Woman are born to be the best liars and (man)ipulate you through their sympathy strategies 
Well behaved Women rarely make History
This morning I surveyed 100 men and asked them what shampoo they used when showering...... 98 of them said, "How did you get in here?"
am I the only one that thinks that Prince William looks like a cross between John Elway and a Mongoloid?
The Royal Wedding, live on YouTube. The Royal Honeymoon, live on RedTube.
Dear cupcakes, the fact that you cover yourselves up with icing says alot about your self esteem. sincerely, muffins
I've just started a band called 999 Megabytes. We haven't done a gig yet.
Dear Boomtown Rats, It's true I can't tell you why YOU don't like Mondays, but here's a list of reasons why I don't....a) they start too early, b) they finish too late, c) they last ALL day, d) they just keep coming back EVERY FRICKIN WEEK. That is all.
When life seems to have turned it's back on you,stand up and kick it in the ass.
I'm selling Royal Wedding barf bags for anyone else who is nauseous from seeing every sickening detail on TV.
the best part of sunny days is not having to read about everyone complaining about the weather
Out came the sun & dried up all the rain, and the itsy bitsy spider climbed up the spout again!
hitting balls into the field of dreams...
I'm having a royal wedding watching party...drinking beer out of tea cups. Pinkies up....chug chug chug
Dear Dr. Phil, Look man, there's only room for one fake doctor in this world and I was here first. Sincerely, Dr. Pepper
Dear Man, It's cute, but can you pick up peanuts with it? Sincerely, Elephant
The strangest thing about Obama's birth certificate is that it lists Joe Biden as a witness to his birth. Other than that, it appears fine........
Since President Obama had to show his birth certificate... I am going to need Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachmann to show me a copy of their HS diploma... Because I have doubts..
Did you guys know that turning up the radio fixes almost all your car problems?! Crazy.
I see by your Facebook bio that you're into crafts, blogging, windmills, cats, food, earwax, wine, jazz, God, gaming. ME TOO! 