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Ya...I'm old school like that! On a desktop. Not a smart pad or a geek phone or one of those other really cool devices of technology that I wish I had. 
I'll stop drinking heavily when it no longer serves a purpose (when you get attractive)...
Who spelled Licorice that way? It sounds like rice got some lice not delicious candy
Putting your phone away and paying attention to those talking to you? There's an damn App for that. It's called "respect".
Never trust a person with dry hands coming out of a bathroom
Keep going on about how fat my Mamma is and you'll find yourself squished...
My teddy bears in the wash, may I cuddle with you tonight.
After an intense workout of shakeweight and sit and be fit it's time to rest.
Remember when text messaging was passing a note back and forth in class?
I think if we get our husbands helper monkeys, they'll leave us alone...
I am not saying the quality of adult entertainment has gone downhill around here but all the dancers here are wearing change belts!
Zombie Zumba: Combining the two most popular Facebook topics into one!
Good Morning! I've survived to live yet another day in this beautiful world.. Dont take candy from strangers and remember ,Never trust a person with dry hands coming out of a bathroom !
Face it. We're all just a tank of gas away from government cheese
I'm trying to see things from your point of view But I can't stick my head that far up my Ass
if a bra is an "over the shoulder boulder holder" then what would you call men's underwear? Under the butt nut hut?
Just saw an article on yahoo that said "Little unknown facts about the Royal Wedding". I have a little unknown fact for you yahoo, no one gives a shit about the Royal Wedding.
Nothing like an old high school crush finding you & friending you on Facebook because he needs cows or some shit for Farmville.
“Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.”
About 50% of the time “good luck” really means “efff you.” 