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When life gives you a Grenade, pull the pin and toss it to your EX.. 
I have benefits if anybody needs a friend.
Someone's been sleeping in my bed, said Papa Bear. Someone's been sleeping in MY bed, said Mama Bear. Why don't you share a bed?! cried Baby Bear.
May your friends respect you, your troubles neglect you, your family protect you, and negativity not affect you.
If somebody's presence does not add value to your life... then their absence should make no difference!
If you don't go after it, you'll never have it. If you don't ask, the answer is always no. If you dont step forward, you'll always be in the same place.
Fun Fact: There's more time spent installing Adobe updates than the actual use of Adobe.
You can't make the same mistake twice. The second time you make it, it's no longer a mistake. It's a choice.
"Mounted in Alaska" ... Prolly coulda come up with a better name for that show.
Look ahead, not behind and we will find piece of mind. I know you'll find a place to dry my little social butterfly!
It's 4:19pm gotta minute?
Pick it, pack it, fire it up come along, and take a hit from the bong
HAPPY 420 JOKERS SMOKERS AND MIDNIGHT TOKERS!
The hospitals are running low on plasma and need donations. Aren't those pretty expensive TVs for a hospital's budget?
You people should be ashamed of your self....Smoking poor defenseless plants like that! How would you like it if a plant came up to you all willy nilly chopped of your legs and smoked them in front of you! >_< Yeah that's right.... I went there. Hap
Found a Blockbuster Card in my closet, haven't been used in years... Is it considered an antique yet?
When I was a kid my family was so poor that the only time we got to eat meat was when we bit our tongue!
Women have to deal with periods and pregnancy. Men have to deal with Women. It's all about balance.
Dentists are going on strike...brace yourselves
OK Guys, you'restuck in bed between the most beautiful girl in the world and a gay guy. Who do you turn your back to? 