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I hate it when people complain someone posted the outcome of a sports event because they recorded it to watch later. If you don't want to know the score, then stay off the internet!! 
dancing my cares away...down at Fraggle Rock!
I can so admit when I'm wrong! And when that time comes, I will do just that.
How do you make a hormone? Don't pay her.
What did the duck say to the prostitute? "Put it on my bill"
Do you know why rednecks like to "do it" doggy style? So they can both watch NASCAR.
having you ever eaten an apple with a worm in it? well buy an iphone and you will feel like that.
NOTE TO MYSELF: "The security code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card."
eating alphabet soup and my spoon spells 'HOT'. Not sure if I should take that as a warning or a compliment.
wish I could Google anything. I`d search "WHERE THE HELL IS MY IPOD?" and it would be like "UNDER THE COUCH YOU DUMBASS"
If I get one more Farmville notification I'm going to strap my farmer with a flamethrower and start to decorate your farm.
When someone say's "Let's do lunch", what they mean is "I don't care if I ever see your sorry azz again."
you know when you lean back in your chair and almost fall over??? I feel like THAT all the time...
Sometimes you want someone so bad, youll tell yourself lies &hope they come true.
Was watching an episode of hoarders last night and was thinking that they should change the name of it to ''i'm really lazy and I don't want to clean my house''!!!
In the beginning of a relationship the men go into it thinking this might be fun...and the women go into it thinking this might be the one.
A celebrity is someone who works hard all his life to become known and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
64 tornados in North Carolina alone. Can we turn our attention to our own for once and send money to some Americans instead of Japan?
that akward moment when she pulls out one bigger than yours
How the hell did Charles Manson get like 16 people to murd.r for him? I can't even get two kids to brush their teeth. 