Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
The President's approval ratings are so low that the people in Kenya are now accusing him of being born in the United States !!! 
If gas gets any more expensive, I'll have to file for tankruptcy!
I'm thinking of converting my car to steam power. I think if I actually burned the $1 bills I'd get more bang for my buck.
I met with my new girlfriends father for the first time yesterday. The first thing I said to him was, "Sir, you and me have something in common.." "What's that son?" I replied "Your daughter calls us both Daddy"
When I'm using Facebook mobile I always tag myself in my bed with 2 randcom chicks on my friends list.
What Do Roads And Women Have In Common...."Manholes"
My Friends Told Me To Get A Life,Instead I Got A Wife And Now I Miss My Life.........
Stevie Wonders first text message: "lajjeoijalfweap'ojiejreojafjaoa;jfoweajaofjaofji"
"Kidnapping" is such a strong word... I prefer to say "surprise adoption."
Sometimes I wish I could delete other people's Facebook Status updates.
What if love was like volleyball... all you have to do is call 'MINE!' and everyone else backs off...
Well I was gonna donate blood until the lady got all personal and started asking "who's blood is this?" and "How did you get it?"
wishes the movie concession stand would give her enough snacks to last after the trailers are over...
Hey I like how you do your makeup! Really? Thanks :) Ya do you just dip your face in or use a brush?
If your man enough to hit it, your mand enough to take care of it.
I just watched a mattress commercial where the lady said, "It feels really good, no matter what position I'm in".....Why can't I meet a woman like that????
If next Friday , the Friday before Easter has always been known as Good Friday ( Which sort of bothered me because it was far from a Good Friday for our Crucified Savior) shouldn't the Friday before Palm Sunday be known at least as Mediocre Friday?
oh the pain, hurts so good, I almost get breathless, so so hot baby, got to be the best hot wings ever
really starting to believe that my bosses 'other car' is a broomstick
If Obama really wanted to impress me, he'd somehow combine Missouri & Oregon to make a "Show me your beaver" state. 