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thinking of deleting her friends on facebook that get 300,000 or higher on Bejeweled Blitz.. that way I can finally be #1! 
I think the saddest April Fools' joke is thinking there's only one day we devote to lying to each other.
If my statuses offend you, please let me know so I can remedy the problem....by deleting you.
I was singing Rihanna's new song last night when my wife was in the room.... Lesson learned... Sticks and stones might not hurt.... But whips and chains do...
One of the hardest things in life to learn, is which bridge to cross and which to burn.!!!
This bumber sticker says JESUS SAVES " HE MUST SHOP AT WALMART"
My April Fools' Day prank at airport security did not go well. You may not see me Monday.
This Weekend Me And Some Friends Doing A Reenactment Of The Movie "Hang Over"
if you wanna be old and wise, you gotta be young and stupid..
I'm amazed at how many people got engaged or married today. Love is truly in the air. Now if you'll excuse me, a Nigerian prince needs my help transferring funds.
just seen two homeless people kissing so I screamed "Get a box!!"
"The hardest part of the business is minding your own."
If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea, does that mean one of them enjoys it?
why do people keep asking dogs "whos a good boy then". My dog told me he thinks the question is patronizing.
I hope, when they die, cartoon characters have to answer for their sins.
going to win the lotterey tonight...no sorry, got that wrong! Going to have sex with my wife. I get them confused as the odds are pretty much the same
Following the death of Eddie Stobart the other day, a film is being made of his life. It looks good, I've seen the trailer!
Have you ever looked up the word "dictionary" in the dictionary? A hand comes out of the page and slaps you across the face
on reflection... I'm glad I decided not to go through with My April Fools' Day prank with Airport Security yesterday
After the 2.2 magnitude earthquake in Blackpool, a huge crack has appeared on the promenade. The Tourist Board are said to be delighted that Jordan has decided to take a holiday there. 