bego Funny Status Messages

   when you see a sign at a restaurant that says 'employees must wash BOTH hands', I think that's when you have to worry...

   Most girls: “I hangout with guys, there's less drama.” Me: “I hangout by myself. There's no drama & I don't have to wear pants.”

   Haters will broadcast your failure, but whisper your success.

   Little brothers XBOX broke. Go to new one. Worthless Walmart employee was too lazy to find one. Tells me they are all out. So I stand in front of her and buy it online with in store pickup so she has to find it. BAM

   How has sound technology come so far & yet the McDonalds drive-thru still sounds like someone is farting into a walkie-talkie.

   If I had a shot of whiskey for everytime I thought of you, I'd be sober.

   I'm pretty sure my Internet Explorer “error reports” end up the same place my letters to Santa do.

   I wonder if dog’s had facebook, would they put our picture as their profile picture.

   Some of the best decisions I’ve ever made involved me clicking cancel instead of send.

   Lying in bed, wondering if it's worth it to get up and pee.

   How come whenever I tell someone I play guitar, they challenge me to Guitar Hero? I have never challenged a veteran to Call of Duty.

   Seems like it's going to be “die trying” rather than “get rich” kind of life.

   I cant stand when people say a babies age in months after a year old. "Yeah he's 29 months old", B$tch don't make me do math.

   People are saying the voting age should be 16. Twilight won 9 teen shoice awards. You really want them voting for the next president?

   You don't get smarter as you get older. There just aren't any stupid things left that you haven't already done.

   You're dating my ex? I ate a sandwich earlier, you want those leftovers too?

   The biggest difference between my wife and a bear is that sometimes, if I play dead, the bear will leave me alone.

   Oh wow. you're really gonna fight me over the internet? What's the worst you can do, caps-lock my a@s?

   When a man signals a woman to walk in front & says, “Ladies first” it really means “Go ahead. I'll stand back & watch how your ass walks.”

   I don't get jealous when I see my ex with someone new, because my parents always taught me to give my used toys to someone less fortunate