GaryKoenig Funny Status Messages
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Page: 9 of 11
I was watching a TV show on the top ten ways to avoid a shark attack. I was shocked to hear that "stay out of the water" wasn't number one.
I'll give credit where credit is due but I ain't gonna applaud a fish for swimming.
Toilet was stolen out of city hall yesterday. Police say they have nothing to go on.
Have you ever noticed that all the instruments searching for intelligent life are pointing away from earth?
Just spent 45 minutes on the treadmill. Tomorrow my goal is to turn it on.
I went to the paint store to get thinner. It didn't work.
At any given time, the urge to sing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" is just a whim away, a whim away, a whim away, a whim away.
My bank balance is a constant reminder that I'm safe from identity theft.
I think it's only a matter of time until "Security Cameras of Walmart" is a hit reality show.
I've got people who love me because I'm me. I've got people who hate me for the same reason!
Please keep your dogs and children quiet in the mornings. Some of us have been up all night setting off fireworks. Thank you!
Marriage tip #10: Whenever your wife can't decide where she wants you to take her out to eat, take her to her least favorite restaurant, and then order her her least favorite food item. From then on out, she will at least always give you an option.
I just realized why this month is called May. It may rain, it may snow, it may be 70 degrees or it may be 20 degrees.
Just a reminder: Walmart will be closed on Christmas Day so both cashiers can be with their families.
To save time, let's just assume I'm never wrong.
Marriage tip: When your wife is sitting in her chair, scrolling through Tiktok, just ask her why the house has not been cleaned up yet and why she is sitting there, like a bum, doing nothing!
Marriage tip: If your wife is slumming it around the house, just use your "Male-dominated voice" to tell her to get up, and get to work. She will respect you, and get up and do her job.
Marriage tip: Make sure your wife always accommodates to your needs. "Honey, when you finish using the bathroom, you need to put the toilet seat back up".
Research has shown that laughing for 2 minutes is just as healthy as a 20 minute jog. So now I'm off to the park to laugh at all the joggers.
Marriage tip: When your wife is getting angry at you, just put your finger on her lips and say, "shhhhh". She will then consider the consequences of her actions, and calm down. And then she'll go make you a sandwich.
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