GaryKoenig Funny Status Messages
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Remember when we used to do prank calls growing up? Now those spam calls are karma getting us back.
Marriage tip: Every once in a while, call your wife by one of your ex girlfriend's names. This will help her realize that she is not the only woman on the docket and that you're a really good catch!
Guys, if the relationship fails, don't blame her only. It takes 2 people to mess up a relationship. Blame her and her mother.
Marriage tip: If your wife says she's only getting two things at the store, don't believe her. She's lying!
Walmart is giving away free Christmas decorations as long as you can outrun security.
I told my supervisor I'm coming in on Halloween as a ghost. I'll be here, you just won't see me.
The problem with autocorrect is that it often makes me say things I didn't Nintendo.
Marriage tip 101: If your wife asks you if the dress she's wearing makes her look fat, just tell her that if she ran at the gym just like she runs her mouth at home, she wouldn't have to ask that question.
The clocks go back this weekend. Hopefully back to when we could afford groceries.
Marriage tip: Anytime you tell your wife to do something, use your Male-dominated voice and finish it by saying "I HAVE SPOKEN!!!" She will then realize that you are always right, and she will go do what you asked her to do.
Marriage tip 101: It is very important that your wife understands Commandment Number 1 in regards to marriage: "Thou shalt not nag". As soon as she understands this, she will grow in her duties and responsibilities as a wife.
Sometimes I think Facebook needs a "Slap you in the Face" button.
I had a thought, and then I had another thought. They bounced off each other and now I can't find either one.
When I say, "I hate drama" I mean I hate being involved in drama. Other people's drama? Big fan!!!
If you honk at me .025 seconds after the light turns green I'm going to put my vehicle in park, adjust my seat, check my tire pressure, change my oil, return some emails, eat a snack, read a book, brush my teeth, nap, and build a LEGO set.
When a woman says, "Correct me if I'm wrong", do not under any, I mean any circumstances do it.
I'm a firm believer that every traffic jam begins with one idiot.
The purpose of a meme is to disturb the humorless and to humor the disturbed.
When I say your slow, I mean that you are as fast as a herd of turtles stampeding through chunky peanut butter. That's slow!
Let me get this straight; a fat man who breaks and enters into my home, who steals all my Christmas cookies, is the one who judges if I'm naughty or nice?
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