Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Nothing like a cross-dressing, h0m0, derivative, Spanish singing douche to perform at the SB halftime show

   Bought some skinny jeans and tied them around my waist, they don’t work.

   So long DEI. So long fruit pickers. Thank you, 47.

   How are there more Canadians on Twitter than in Canada?

   You want to make everything electric? Let's start with the border fences.

   My Sons Teacher: December 21st Saturn and Jupiter will align to make a Christmas Star

   By def: ALL 'culture' is stereotype. Ok maybe the old cultures are monotype, WTH?

   A man drove past my house in a van painted: come to my van for free candy. Everyone thought he was dangerous, but I got my candy eventually.... the memories

   Labor pain: Is when the foreman on the job sight is watching you work.

   North Korean leader Kim Jong Un has a hydrogen bomb at breakfast, a submarine ballistic missile at lunch and has one of his uncles executed at dinner

   Looking at my kitchen junk drawer I think I finally have enough miscellaneous things accumulated to build a spaceship to get off this rock!

   since camping spoons are white, are they still considered "silverware" or should they be called "whiteware" ?

   Some guy: "Bro, I got a limo for me and my friends! In your face!" Me: "Wow. You have 90 dollars."

   Why can't we guys have simple, friendly conversations with women on Messenger without them immediately thinking we're in a relationship with them? Press 1 for pathetic.

   Too bad the Coronavirus doesn't act like elections. Mostly those who'll get it are in New York and California.

   My friend is terrible at geography...his grade is below C level

   Taylor Swift and Adele are basically the same age. Mind blown!

   Whatever God was smoking when he invented the platypus, I want some of that $h!+.

   I find it annoying when old people poke me at wedding and say "you'll be next." So I started to do the same thing to them at funerals.

   If the wheels on the bus go round and round all day long. When does the bus driver get any sleep?