Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The White House hosted its annual Hanukkah party and everything was going great until Biden pulled on a rabbi's beard and said, "You're not Santa."

   Hey Baby, are you hiding Opiates in your bra? 'Cause I see a Perky Set.

   Imagine the horror of being the first person to ever fart in a yoga class

   I live every day like it's Friday the 13th.

   Thank you to all the people who gave their lives figuring out which mushrooms we can and can’t eat.

   Folks crying about $4 a gallon gas while in line for $6 coffee.

   Tony Romo should seriously consider committing a Felony, He would be a hell of a Quarterback in a Penal League somewhere I bet... Hell of a Wide Receiver too...

   My only hope for April Fool's Day tomorrow is that Brandon announces this has all been a monumental prank.

   ahahahahaH !nothing at ... awesome you're think I that you tell to just trouble this of all through go you made I (NOW READ BACKWARDS)

   Progress is finally beginning to be made in this country. If you don't like it then leave!

   1st of December and I already gained 3 pounds. Fml.

   i rang triple 0 the other day,,The bloke said"what,s the emergency"?I said "there,s two naked women in my loungeroom fighting over me"! He said"Whats wrong with that"? I said ,"THE FAT ONES WINNING!!!!!"

   Go up to random fat chicks and tell them that they didn't need to take Fat Tuesday literally.

   Why do women always say they want a man with a stable job... What’s so glamorous about cleaning up after horses?

   This is great! An extra hour of sunshine to melt all the snow.

   I’m gonna keep wearing a mask after this pandemic is over. I can’t go back to worrying about how my breath smells like Doritos and garlic and coffee.

   I won't be participating in the 2023-2024 Wuhan Flu Games!

   Let's go, Brandon!

   Some times you have to ask yourself. Is it worth the rug burn. . .

   All the smart people sold their soul for knowledge.