Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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people from india shouldnt be selling hamburgers. I guess cows arent as sacred as the benjamins 
If I were found dead, the CSI's would check my wallet and find no money and assume it was murder and I was robbed. Good luck the investigation, my wallet never has money in it.
so happy spring is finaly here.....i got so excited I nearly wet my plants!!!!!
James Harden's head trying to hurt Metta World Peace by hitting him in the elbow was just uncalled for!
"XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX"-Pierce Morgan
You know you are playing too much scrabble when you try to use the cursor to change channels on the TV. I thought the darn batteries were used up.
There are no masters or servants in the grave, just The Dead.
My woman is basking in the glow of my majestic presence=My woman is enjoying the shade provided by my enormous belly.
facebook is alot like that shi tty car you wanna get rid of because of all up keep and changing of parts but you keep it because it saves gas.
If my girl dance with another guy she flirting with death
Everyone, get your time in the gym now before the end of the yr.. it gets packed for 2 months from those "New yr, New me" ppl... then they give up after 2 months
Parents these days are worried about just 2 things:. 1.- What Sons download their 2.- What upload their Daughters.
Cougars talk a good game until you get them in bed and it's all "Don't push my legs back too far." OK Paulette.
what's everyone's favorite gas price? mine is $2.29
My relationship with my cat is like that of a married couple. Basically we fight a lot and never have sex.
I'm adopting a healthier lifestyle, so today I parked and went inside to get donuts instead of using the drive-thru.
Heard any good jokes lately? Probably not here.
It's funny when a Athiest needs a prayer they will ask for one. But when a Christian asks for one, they will be the first to make fun.
Don’t tell a lactose intolerant girl you’ll “rearrange her guts” you’re not doing anything to her a glass of milk can’t do
You would think Republicans would want to avoid the #47, #47Traitors 